I finally was able to get an account at livejournal, so I'll be blogging there from now on.

I went out for coffee last night with Amanda. (Actually, I had hot chocolate made with soy milk.) I stayed up really late but am not particularly tired today. Wellbutrin is like speed.

I fought all day to get my Visor Edge to Hotsync with my iMac. Apparently the version of Stuffit expander I had was extracting the Palm Desktop installer incorrectly. Weird. I never would've figured that out if I hadn't found this on the Mac OS X Hints page.

It's late. I'm tired. We had a fun night eating greasy fish and hanging out with friends. Eight people came over and crowded around our teeny dining room table.

It's the Feast of the Annunciation tonight. We get to eat fish after Liturgy. Sometimes little things make me happy.

Emili threw a fit again yesterday. Right in front of my parents and brother. She yelled at the top of her lungs, right in my face. This is not fair. She is 10. I have three more years before she is officially a teenager. I want my three years!

Lee went to Dayton to meet a potential renter. She arrived early and drove away as he drove up. Our deadbeat, evicted renter was in the process of moving out his stuff and let her look inside. I wonder what he told her. When Lee went in the house, he found it in shambles. It needs serious repair before anybody will rent it out. We had no idea it had become such a dive!

Well, it was a hectic weekend with friends and family. After I got back from shopping with Valerie, we all went to Matt's condo to celebrate his birthday. We ate very non-Lenten pizza and cake. It was fun. Much of the night we were laughing so hard we were almost crying. We watched a little of Mad TV before we left and I swear I strained a muscle laughing.

Sunday we went to Liturgy, and at the coffee hour afterwards, I think I ate my body weight in Apple Crisp. I love that stuff! Then we rushed around cleaning and grocery shopping. Miss Emili copped a big attitude all afternoon. At about six, my parents, Matt and Allison came to our house to eat a pasta dinner and more cake. We laughed a lot more. I think the stress of planning Matt and Allison's wedding has made everybody loopy.

Today Matt was supposed to pick me up to take me with them to this huge paper store they found. It sounds like my idea of heaven. But it's getting late and I don't think it is going to happen. Just as well. It's freezing outside even though it is officially Spring. Hopefully it'll kill all the evil cicadas. I'm going to need serious sedatives to get me through that plague!

Lee had to go to Dayton again to work on his Dad's estate and pick up the kids, who spent the night with Grandma at Great Grandpa and Grandma's house. I am going out with a friend for an afternoon of food, coffee, shopping and fun. Tonight we do stuff with my side of the family.

Last night Lee and I got to go on a real, live date! We ate at Amol India, a super cool Indian restaurant with the best food ever! We then returned home and enjoyed good conversation.

Our house smells like cat pee. I'm not sure why. We don't have a cat. I think we need our heater vents and duct work cleaned.

I'm sleepy today. Probably because I stayed up to late trying to figure out how to get my Visor to sync with Palm Desktop on my Mac. It worked on Lee's desktop. Sometimes I think the computer likes to torment me. But I passed a new milestone: I left the whole process incomplete, went to bed, and was able to sleep without worrying about it. It sounds like a little thing, but it's a big sign of improvement for me. In the past, things like this would have practically given me an anxiety attack.

I begged out of the whole Stride & Ride. I'm just going to mail them my team's donations. All they want is the money anyway. Instead, I'm going to hang out with Valerie.

Today is my brother's birthday. My parents are coming into town tonight. Therefore, we must do family things all weekend.

Nothing really new going on today, just typing long emails. My kids are freaking out too. Guess they got some of my genetics. Lucky them.

Feeling even better today. Almost like I can accomplish something.

I'm not quite as psychotic today. I talked to my future sister-in-law and she said my crazy psychotic episode was most probably due to suddenly stopping, then restarting my prescription Wellbutrin. My stupid Medicare insurance dragged their feet about approving it and I went 4 or 5 days cold turkey before resuming full dosage. Not to menton I just got my Depo shot. I guess I was a raging ball of hormones and neurotrasmitters. I also had a fairly decent talk (not a monologue) with Lee last night that helped me a bit. I have a lot of work I need to do though. I hope I can muster up the courage and energy.

My life is completely fucked up. I wish I was dead.

To the tune of "If God Were One of Us":
I'm so hungry.
I could eat a canary.
But that's not fast friendly.
I wanna eat a Big Mac.

I fought to install Palm Desktop on the iMac for two hours last night, and failed. This morning I got the brighter idea to install it on the iBook and transfer it across the network. It seems to have worked. It was screwed up before because a long time ago I tried to install iSync and hated it. iSync apparently locks your "conduit settings" or something. When I ran the patch to unlock your settings it didn't work. I was so mad! I ran a search in finder for the word "palm" and threw every file I thought was associated with it or iSync into the trash. The installer ran, but kept crashing at the last little bit. I think I left some files I should've deleted. My HotSync cradle isn't plugged in, so I haven't tested it yet. Please work!

In the USB unplugging tango of last night, my track pad got unplugged. Very annoying!

Well, I must go. I'm avoiding all the morning stuff I usually do. Then I need to try to crank out my "Day Pill" short story before the deadline on Monday. Sigh...

I'm back on my Wellbutrin, but I haven't reached the same level of psychotrophic effects yet. It does not seem to be interfering with my sleep at night as much though and I do feel a tiny bit more motivated already.

I still need to raise $11 more for the stupid Stride & Ride. Why do I volunteer for stuff like this?

We are almost halfway through Lent, and all I can think about is eating a double cheeseburger and hot fudge sundae from McDonald's. Sometimes Orthodoxy is hard!

I managed to get "authorization" from Medicare for my Wellbutrin XL. However, they charged me the copay for the old insurance we had through Cobra, which we are probably not renewing this month cuz it's so freaking expensive. After examining the receipt, it looks like Medicare will only cover something like 25% of the actual cost. I wonder how much the Lexapro is going to cost when I run out of my free samples. I'm so high-maintenance!

Last Monday, I started taking the Wellbutrin XL samples my doctor prescribed. It was great! I felt like I could take over the world, write the great American novel (or at least short story), and figure out all the intricacies of our new iMac, all without needing sleep. I swear that medicine has Crank in it. But on Saturday morning, when I went to pick up my prescription of Wellbutrin, the pharmacist informed my husband that for this particular medicine my doctor had to call my insurance and get it preapproved or they wouldn't cover it. Either that, or we could pay for it out-of-pocket for a mere $150! Needless to say, we decided to wait for the approval, which I am honestly not sure my crappy Medicare insurance will give.

So starting Saturday, I started experiencing this Flowers for Algernon effect. Just like Charlie climbed to the heights of intelligence in the book, I felt like I was climbing towards the crystalline heights of creativity and joy while on Wellbutrin. Then as the meds worked out of my system, like Charlie, I plummeted back into the mire. Sigh... If you haven't read Flowers for Algernon, I suggest you read it and you'll understand exactly how I feel. I'm too depressed and tired now to explain it to you.

On the other hand, through a series of other unfortunate events, culiminating in the death of our PC, I have been forced to switch over to and learn how to use our iMac. I actually kind of like it now. Last night, I spent hours and hours changing my desktop icons. There really is no rhyme or reason to them. Some are cute little animals. Some are Fisher-Price People. Some are slick folders. And some are biohazard symbols. I found them on this cool Xicons website. I've also been moving folders back and forth so that the hierarchy makes sense to me - and only me. Unlike on Windows, this cyber-housecleaning didn't screw everything up. Still I better read my Mac OS X: The Missing Manual before I create irreparable damage.

Well, so much for this being a daily journal, eh? I'll try to start doing better at keeping it up.

My doctor switched my anti-depressant meds recently from a Prozac generic to Lexapro and Wellbutrin. She acted like she was worried I was going to kill myself if she didn't do something quickly. (Not like there is any good way I could kill myself even if I wanted to. Killing yourself usually involves too much pain.) I'm not sure if the switch is helping or not. I know I stay awake more. Unfortunately, I'm often awake in the middle of the night when I'm lying in bed with nothing to do.

I'm also extra depressed right now because our PC is on the fritz so I have to force myself to learn how to use the Mac wlth inadequate emotional preparation. It does have this cool handwriting recognition feature that the PC doesn't have . It will be cooler when I learn how to use it properly. Plus the computer has the Wacom graphics tablet hooked up to it. But the PC was the main place I stored all my files. I hope I can get them back!

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